Tupac_Shakurs_Angel
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Name: Cynthia
Country: Japan
Metro: Yokohama
Birthday: 10/3/1990
Gender: Female


Interests: Philosophy. Calligraphy. Art. Photography. Literature. Film. Sociology. Psychology. Theology. Music.
Expertise: The World.
Occupation: Filmmaker


Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM: anotherFUNblonde
MSN: anotherFUNblonde@hotmail.com


Member Since: 5/3/2003

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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Yay, long time no write up... but I must document this joyous moment! (That happened awhile ago haha!)

So for the LONGEST, and I mean fricken LONGEST time, I couldn't find a job... for a few reasons: where I live, have to catch the bus, have no work experience, etc etc. I mean I went to 3 job fairs, where each one had at least 2000 people... yeah seriously no chance there. I didn't even get a call back... like ever, even when I called them back to ask the status of my application. For example, I called Sears 3 fricken times, because I was reassured each time that the HR manager would call me on a certain date and time, and a week later, I still never got that call. Biotches.... Seriously, at least employers can have the courtesy to call you and say "Thank you, but no thank you" instead of making you sit there and wait.

After awhile I said fuck it, and just started calling a long list of stores haha. (Which I should've done in the first place.) After going through a lot of them, I finally find some that were hiring. A week later, I had two interviews and an orientation, which meant I was hired! (Cool thing about it... the interview was AWFUL, seriously I am either epic or completely fail at the damn interview haha... there is no middle ground. But anyways, cool thing about it, is it's 8 bucks an hour and not minimum wage.)

So the SAME week I got hired from ROSS, someone calls me telling me I should apply for this job opportunity he found that was media related. It was a job working for the Boys & Girls Club of Hawaii at Aliamanu Middle School, teaching/mentoring students at a media club there for 14 fricken bucks an hour! I ALMOST, didn't apply, because I only had one night to make my application AND demo reel (I stayed up all night making that fricken demo reel haha. A demo reel is basically a DVD with all of your good work on it.. so you can showcase your skills.) The only real reason I stuck with it is because my mom urged me to, saying it was better than my job at ROSS and it was something that I could definitely handle. A few days later I got an interview, and killed it (good kind-kill), and then once a weekend passed, I got a call saying I got the job!!! Holy shit people, seriously... I know people who are way more experienced than me applied... heck one guy who graduated from an LA Film School had an interview right after me! (But he couldn't take the job anyways) So I guess me rubbing it in that I'm a military kid, live close by, and am only there for the kids and not to take advantage of their stuff worked! Hoozah for honesty and quick thinking.

So NOW, I have 3 jobs. ROSS cashier, Boys & Girls Club Mentor, and I still do my freelance video work. (Have 5 video projects (graduation videos, etc etc.) I have to do right now.) I guess all good things come at once. And it seriously couldn't be at a better time because recently my mom has been having problems at work and is on the verge of getting fired (Thanks to an asshole of a coworker there). So now that I have 3 jobs, I will start paying ALL the bills besides the rent and her credit cards. Before I could only help out with 1 or 2 bills... having no job, I took whatever freelance editing work I could find for my mom, to help her out because I knew even 50 bucks was a lot of money for us. But now, I feel that all is good and will be better. My mom is applying at different stores, so I just hope she gets the job that she wants... soon.

What's really amazing about all of this is the fact that when I came home after the Boys & Girls Club interview, there was a ladybug on my shirt.  A little history here.... but ever since I was little, ladybugs would always land on me... some would even mark me as their territory (leave a little pee on my hand... yeah gross lol). But they were always around, especially in times where something good was going to happen. Like for example... we lived in a really old, HORRIBLE, disturbed house for 8 long years. Finally we got to move. Our new house, which was so much brighter and welcoming. The day we went to check it out, there was a ladybug sitting on the window ceil.  In fact, I used to attract so many damn ladybugs that my nickname was ladybug haha.... which some of my old friends from Japan still call me. Ahhh nostalgia. I seriously miss that place and want to save some money to go visit.

But anyways! I'm sidetracking here. A few days later, I saw a ladybug outside my apartment door, just chilling there. Then all that good stuff followed, where one week I had no jobs (and only one or two editing jobs, that weren't that much pay), the next week, I had 3 jobs (with 5 editing jobs with decent pay).

Now hopefully I can keep up with all of this haha... this is kind of a lot to handle. But I know if I keep my mom in mind, I'll be able to get through anything. I guess good things come to those that wait? Nah maybe like all good things come at once haha.

So right now I'm in the set-up process for the Boys & Girls Club. Paperwork, yada yada. I have yet to meet the other guy I'll be working with, but will soon! I just hope he's nice and not like any of the past media people I've worked with. (Total nerds who like to show off ANYTHING and EVERYTHING... repeatedly! Ahhh lol)

And that's all that's been happening with me. NOW, I better not here any shit from people who were giving me shit. I don't see anyone else having 3 jobs and paying bills. So all the nay-sayers can now officially kiss my ass.

On an interesting note... now that I'm more busy, I'm reading more. It's funny, when I had all the time in the world, I never read ANYTHING. Haha, now I'm close to finishing 2 books, Anthem by Ayn Rand and Fahrenheit 451. I also found this neat little hole in the wall place, Jelly's, in Honolulu (I guess they opened a second store) that sells CD's, DVD's, Comics, Records, and Books (Used of course). I also now buy used books at this tiny little bookstore in the corner of Shirokiya. So I've bought a TON of books recently.
- Anthem
- The Merchant of Venice
- Macbeth
- Romeo & Juliet
- 1984
- Fahrenheit 451
- Faust, Pt. 1
- Hajime no Ippo (For a dollar each might I add! I love boxing!)
And my mom gave me her "Vogue Book of Fashion Photography." Seriously awesome!

So now that I seem to be finding the time to read, I'm going to try and tackle my John Milton, Dante, and Goethe books. (Which are seriously the most complicated books in literature... in my opinion.) I'm looking forward to it.

Oh yes, I forgot to add in this long ass blog that I stopped the enrollment process to go to a Uni. Honestly, I feel that I was applying there just to please everyone else so they would shut up and stop asking me questions and just quit giving me shit about not going to college. I learned that it just isn't the right time nor the right place for me to go to college. If my heart isn't in it, I'm not going to go. I know myself best, and if my heart isn't in it, I won't give a shit about it. And also, on top of that, BOTH of my parents are deeply in debt. I have $0 saved for me to go to college. People always tell you that there's money out there! But don't believe the hype (because they obviously know nothing about money management)... you might be able to get a grant that'll cover a few grand... but what about the rest of... oh I don't know... at least $20,000!? "Get a student loan" everyone says, but you're gonna be paying that shit back for the rest of your life. So for me, who has no money, it has to be REALLY worth it. I don't have the time nor money to sit around and fail classes, switch classes, or drop out. So you know what, I'm gonna enjoy work, enjoy helping my mom out, and enjoy finishing my screenwriting.  (Enjoy life! Because that is what's more important! Not pleasing every one else in this world who is quick to judge you but have no real idea of who you are.)

Just because I'm not going to college doesn't mean I still can't dream. Hollywood, here I come!


Tuesday, March 24, 2009

(It's late. I'm tired. And I think there is so many grammatical and spelling errors in this post that if I read it tomorrow, I'd have to give myself a big fat F. So Warning! None of this might not even make any sense haha.)

St. Patrick's Day blew this year. In fact, it has been getting worse every single year. And I think it'll continue to be like that until I turn 21. So I was sitting on some street curb just outside the block party, enjoying my corn beef cabbage when some random middle-aged dude walks up to me. "Hey are you okay?" he asks. I gave him a look like "WTF man... piss off" but I told him yeah. And then he says: "Does your mom know where you are at?"

Okay WTF. SERIOUSLY. I know I look young but that just made me want to get up and kick him in the shin or something. I don't know what's worse... that... or the fact that the question sounded like something a pedophile would say. I told him "Uh... I'm 18 dude..." And then he says "BULLSHIT!" And then asks some random people on the street to confirm his assumption of my age. AND THEN he goes and runs to the po-po to tell them about me.

Needless to say... St. Patrick's Day STUNK. I did get to finish it off with shamrock sugar cookies and a bottle of wine cooler... BUT STILL.

Gonna be starting college soon. Hoping to get a degree in Human Services/Social Work. Finaaaally... now that that's figured out.... I'm done ranting about figuring out what to do haha.

Job situation is still awful, but I recently found a job opening at YMCA and I feel that it might be the one job for me. So I'm gonna go for it tomorrow. I recently applied at SEARS and Satura Cakes... but neither have yet to call me back... even when I have stopped by Sears for an interview that was cancelled. I hate to call people this... but what dicks employers are these days. Seriously... whatever happened to common courtesy!? Can't you at least call and say "Thank you but no thank you" instead of leaving us hanging for months?! Geeze.

One of my scripts is finally getting somewhere. I've been working on a script that will include memoir accounts of the Hiroshima bombing. I've already interviewed a survivor who is the vice president of an American Society of Hiroshima Survivors. Working on getting permission from 3 other people right now. If all goes well... all will end well. And if I feel that it is successful enough... I well definitely WORK my ass off to pitch it to major production studios. After meeting the vice president, Izumi Hirano, I feel like I MUST finish this script at all costs. It'll be similar to Letters from Iwo Jima/Schindler's List...and I definitely think it is a story that must be told because American history books are lacking in that matter... and all matters not related to white people (sad to say). Plus, the whole script will be from the children's POV, which I think is the most powerful way to go about expressing war. The citizens are always suffering because of it. More so, the children.

That's all that's happening with me. Will save real rantings for another day. And I recently had this strange dream. I will describe it in my next blog. Something was definitely speaking to me in this dream... seriously folks, it was moving. And it was also the first time I've dreamt of an animal (a bear to be exact), which is a big deal in the Native American community (I am native american for those that do not know and only recognize me as white... or even the few that only recognize me as hapa.). Deep..... but like I said, I'll save that for later.

Until next time. Cheers everyone.

PS.

Someone wrote on my dollar bill: Don't worry. Be Happy! I hope that message reaches you too!


Friday, February 20, 2009

Crossword puzzle woman.

So everytime I catch the number 3 Salt Lake bus around 5-6 PM, there's always this lady who sits in the back, in the same spot, EVERY TIME. Somehow, I always end up sitting next to her, but that's besides the point. She is always reading the newspaper like she's at home (I got whacked in the face once ) and solving crossword puzzles like her life depends on it.

The funny thing is, she looks at the back of her crossword puzzle book for the answer, and constantly flips back and forth between the puzzle and answer to solve it. WTF. Doesn't that like, defeat the fricken purpose of solving it?

Anywho, thinking of (most likely sure of), living in Arizona for a bit. I'll be attending an online college soon (80% tuition paid for, hell yeah!) so it leaves me free to roam the world (pssh wish I could). Gonna be living with my Aunt who lives in the middle of the fricken desert. But I love that small town, probably because it's the complete opposite of what I'm used to. I've always been a city girl, I'm from fricken Yokohama for crying out loud... so I think change is good, even if it is for a short while. Plus, my dad said he'll pay for everything, so man, I'm milking this opportunity for all it's worth! I'm trying to learn more about my Native American heritage... I've attended a few pow wows here and what not... but it isn't enough. Arizona is like native-american central haha, they have pow wows every fricken month! I can't wait for this new experience.... but I must say, I will greatly miss my mom (best friend <3) and my fat cat. But it'll be good to just, get away from it all... whatever all is.

And that's it for me!

If you have the chance, watch Long Life, Happiness, and Prosperity. SO CUTE. Nuff said.


Thursday, February 19, 2009

Damn, I feel like such a fool. All my life I've been letting what everyone else thinks of me, get to me. Well now I say fuck it! It's my life and I only live once, and if you don't get what I want to do with my life, well then too bad for you.

I'm such an idiot for saying or even THINKING that I wanted to join the military. That was totally influenced by my dad who thinks I'm not doing jack shit with my life right now. He just doesn't get me and what I want in my life... and I mean what I really want.

So for the past few months I thought about it really hard. I blocked out everyone's thoughts on me and really thought... damn if this whole film thing doesn't work out, what do I really want to do with my life? So to make a long story short, I'm going to be pursuing my AA in Psychology. Nah, I don't want to be a psychologist, but I'm working towards a youth mentor/counselor/advocate. Besides film, I've always wanted to help people all my life. Not enough people in this world extend a helping hand to one another you know? My ultimate goal is to join the Peace Corps and do youth advocating in third world countries. Yeah, I said it... the Peace Corps. Believe it or not, it's been a long-time dream of mine to "change the world" as cheesy as that sounds. I even told my mom once that I was going to win the Nobel Peace Prize... haha, that was before my dreams of an Oscar. I love the fact that this is a 'possible' dream. And I'd die happy with no regrets doing that for a job.

To those that are struggling to decide their future, I say this: Really think about what you love and enjoy in this life. Money isn't everything. It's nothing in fact. You could be the richest person in the world, but if you aren't happy with yourself and life, none of the materialistic things you own will be worth anything. Don't follow your parent's dreams, don't follow what your friends are doing or saying... do what you want with your life. People might laugh at you, nobody will believe in you, hell your parents might even disown you, but honestly, it's all worth it in the end. If the people in your life can't see that you believe in your dream whole heartily, then there isn't shit you can do about it. I know a Japanese woman who married a black man and her parents disowned her. What can you do about it? She is at the happiest point in her life now. We only live once. Live happy. Live long. And man, you won't regret anything.

My mom  has always done what she wanted to do since the beginning. She grew up in a really bad environment but she didn't let that stop her. She was never the top student in her class, and she was never rich at any point in her life. But she was able to travel the world, meet so many great people, have so many incredible experiences... I envy everything that she has been able to do in her life. She's a great example, and I'm stupid for not looking to her as everything I want to be in the future.

The past 6 months have been incredibly shitty for me... especially because people have been judging me when they don't even know my situation. "Oh look at that girl who didn't enroll in college." Fuck that. I didn't enroll in college because I can't even afford to buy a book for college. My mom sacrificed SO much so that I could graduate at Moanalua. So I tried to find jobs so I can help her pay the bills. 17 applications later, no interviews, not even a fuckin call back. "Why are you still getting jobs from the high school?" What would you do if your mom came home crying every week because she was tired of working her ass off for money, but still didn't make enough to pay everything? I'm doing what I can, and you know what... I give every single dime I make to my mom. If someone offers me a job for 50 bucks, I'll take it, because I know it'll help my mom, even if it's just a little bit. I take whatever shitty editing jobs I can get to help my mom. I don't enjoy doing it and practically everyone looks down on me like I'm a loser because I'm "sticking around the high school." Well a few weeks ago I finally decided to say "FUCK IT." I won't let peoples judgements hurt me any longer cause they'll never know what I'm going through and what I've been through. I'm gonna keep doing what I do, cause I know what I'm doing is right.

So now that I'm done ranting, I might be leaving Hawaii soon. I need to get away from here for a bit, just to clear my thoughts and be around a new crowd. Gonna be living with my Aunt in Arizona for awhile... working part time jobs and still attending college of course (online), while I send money back home to my mom. I think it'll be good for me (not sure about spending time with my dad though... because for the past 3 times I've visited him... they've all been completely shitty).

I'm ready for something new in my life... to take my life one step further. And I'm not gonna let anyone else's stupid ass thoughts bother me anymore. I'm just going to do the best that I can and enjoy life every single day.

Changing the world by day, writing scripts by night.  I love it.


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

No title, just a quick update. Just got done doing my 30 minute exericse... I'm following the Lackland Air Force BMT (Basic Military Training) workout schedule.... I tried making an effort to workout a few months ago... but was just so mentally worked up that I couldn't go through with it. Now I'm trying to make an honest effort to go through with this workout schedule.... it lasts 14 weeks and increases each week. It also requires you to workout 3-5 times a week.

Fricken intense stuff haha. And my right ass buttock totally aches.

I might actually go through with joining the military by sometime next month. I gave myself till February to find a job.. and if nothing came up, I told myself I would have to figure out something else. And that something else is joining the military. It's been on my mind since December... I think the only thing I hate about it is the 4 year commitement. Other than that... it honestly seems ideal... and a good way to start somewhere fresh... which is something I really really desire to do now. I'm the kind of person where I truly like to move forward in my life... and right now it feels like I'm slippin' backwards. I'm just stuck. And it really sucks.

So yeah... same ol' same ol' crap with me. Applying to 1-3 jobs every week since October/Novemberish... Still no job yet. Story of my life.

Ugh, I can't believe I am even considering putting aside my dream for the greater good (to support my mom, my family, and myself.).... but hey, we all have to grow up sometime. That still doesn't mean I want to give it up though. Until next time! I'm out to take a nice hot bath.



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